HI!!
Man, life. I think
that opportunities to look around you and realize just how awesome it is are
abundant, but sometimes it takes a lot for us to notice.
The last two years of my life have been…epic? Drastic?
Tumultuous? GREAT. Torn ACL, move to Colorado, surgery, go back
to school, rehab, engagement, buy a house, return to competition, renovate the
house, plan a wedding. Keep up with
family and friends. Make new
friends. SUCH a rich existence because
of the amazing people that I’ve shared all of this change with.
I’ve been thinking lately about what it will feel like to be
completely myself again on the javelin runway.
I’m so close to that, but I knew going into surgery that it might be a
long, long time before it happened: In athlete years, injuries stretch
time. Feeling helpless in your own body
is dangerous because you can get reckless and make things worse, so being
prepared to be patient is vital, especially in two years that feel like
four. The conclusion I came to in these
thoughts is that, if we have lofty-enough goals, we don’t feel completely like
ourselves until we’ve surpassed our own expectations.
I read this book recently called Stumbling on Happiness. It taught me a lot about memory and
expectations while being entertaining, which was nice! I learned that memory tricks us. In the moment, good things are great!!! They’re great, but maybe not as INSANELY
great as we expect them to be. Then,
over time, we remember them as being just as insanely great as we originally
expected, even though at the time we were happy, but not as crazy happy as we
thought we would be. Regardless of our
feelings in the moment, what we remember later is that we WERE insanely happy! So weird.
So, when I think about my past career and everything that I’m proud of,
I remember feeling even better than I probably did and even happier than I know
I was. The result of all of that skewed
perception is that I won’t be satisfied until I feel better than I remember
feeling and I’m happier with my success than I recall being. I love that motivation. Be better than you were yesterday sort of
thing. I’ve been feeling hints of
surpassing old Kara throughout this season.
But I won’t feel totally like myself on the runway until I’m better than
I’ve ever been.
With all of the change in my life and all of the new
adventures I’ve started (Home ownership!
MBA! Renovation skills! New knee!
Marriage!), I feel like I’m pushing boundaries in literally every area that I
can, and that includes enriching all different kinds of relationships along the
way. The expansion of literally all of
my horizons makes me feel like I’m getting a fresh start in my career, because
I’m sort of a different person. I could
not have asked for a better re-introduction to competing internationally than
this season has given me, and that was extra apparent as I traveled to
Marrakech, Morocco for the second Continental Cup competition of my career.
After Vancouver in July, I traveled back to Europe for the
second time in a week to compete in Luzern, Switzerland and my fifth Diamond
League meet of the year in Monaco (one of my favorites!). Just like Rome, though, I hadn’t had time because
of all of the travel to switch up my training since six weeks prior, and my
body knew it and didn’t perform! I
didn’t throw 60 meters in either competition and left Europe again frustrated, but
knowing exactly what happened.
Refocusing and a new training block for a competition in Chula Vista
that USATF put on for us worked, and I had a season’s best of 62.90m at the
very end of July! I’m simultaneously
encouraged and frustrated by these 62-meter distances, because like I mentioned
above, I don’t think I’ll feel truly like myself until I’m BETTER than my
previous self, and my technique is definitely not there yet because of
continued minor distrust in my leg. It’s
coming, though. I can throw far with
technique that I know will only get better over the next two years heading into
Rio.
I forewent another two trips to Europe for the last two
Diamond League meets and a competition in Rieti, Italy because there was just
TOO. MUCH. TO. DO!! in preparation for the wedding. I’m so happy I did so, because I know it was
the right thing to do for my soul and my relationship, and I’m happy to leave myself hungry for the next two
years, as they’re very important :). That being said, I continued to train
around wedding preparations, and I competed in my second Continental Cup
competition on September 13 in Marrakech, Morocco. I simply cannot believe how fortunate I’ve
been to come back like I have this season, thanks to the awesome support system
I somehow lucked into. I didn’t know if
I’d be accepted to ANY overseas meets this year because of my injury hiatus,
but I earned a spot in one of the most exclusive meets of the year.
Africa was a new continent for me, and the travel after all
of the wedding stress and not traveling for a month or so was pretty
brutal. I spent the day that I left
being surprised and frustrated by the wedding industry’s inadequacies, and was
on-edge because of that. Not an awesome
way to travel.
Anyway, I got my
customary ridiculous amount of sleep before the competition and fought through
some caffeine-withdrawal headaches to make it to the team meeting the night
before, where I found out that the supplied javelins I had counted on when I
didn’t bring my own would not, in fact, be provided. Liz Gleadle to the rescue: She let me check in
her 85m Nemeth-an implement that I regularly practice with but am not super
comfortable using yet when the pressure is on.
Anyway, I was told some javelins would be available at the warm-up area
for competition as well, so I figured I’d just roll with the punches and try to
stay as relaxed as possible. When I got
to the warm-up area, it was getting pretty dark, and no one turned the stadium
lights out by the runway on for me.
Literally as I walked away from my in-the-dark warm-up throwing session,
they turned the lights on. It was sort
of fun to throw in the dark though, and I figured it was the last meet of the
year and anything could happen regardless of my warm-up situation. When you have your shoes and your uniform
(and in my case, my knee brace), you’re good to go. I didn’t take too many warm-up throws because
my volume in practice has been lower and I didn’t want to get tired or lose
whatever snap I had at the end of the season.
So, we get out to the runway (amidst the smallest crowd I’ve
ever seen at an international competition), and the officials are measuring the
sector, with tape stretched back onto the track surface and no end in sight of
the obstruction to our warm-up throws.
We all grabbed javelins and did footwork and stretches and such for a
few minutes, until an official literally snatched the implement out of Kim
Mickle’s hands and ordered everyone to put them back. I’m still not clear on why. But we were not allowed to touch the javelins
for another 20 or so minutes, at which point we each had time for approximately
three trips down the runway before it was time for introductions. All I could think was, “Are warm-ups REALLY
over? No….”
While very few warm-ups is normal at a major championship
meet, it is clearly stated that that will be the case before the
competition. At a meet of this caliber,
it’s insane to me that the officiating was so bad and there was no
communication about what would happen if that kind of warm-up situation was
actually the plan.
I threw worse than I have thrown in years. Other people dealt with things better than I
did and had good performances, and I’m happy for them. In the moment, I honestly was happy to walk
away from this competition with a healthy knee and without injuring anything
else on my body, which is all too common when you’re recovering from one thing
and not paying attention enough to another.
I know why I threw poorly: In a season when I needed to know that my
knee was ready to go to have the confidence to do well, it has been really
difficult to deal with other things that are thrown at me. Those “other things” have been few and far
between this year, but pretty much every obstacle I could have thought of was a
factor in this competition, from a brand new culture and area of the world to
the worst officiating I’ve ever seen. I
wasn’t ready for the extreme end of the mental struggle, and therefore I was
guarded physically, really pushy with my right leg, and had no power. The no power thing is probably also because
of stress. Then, I experienced the worst
travel home that I can imagine. I won’t
go into details because I’d rather forget it.
I am still satisfied with this year as a whole! I couldn’t have asked for a better
re-introduction to the international scene, and I look forward to starting the
next training season fully healthy and knowing exactly what I’m capable of in
the next two years. But now, some
much-needed rest and enjoyment of other happy things in my life!!
